My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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