I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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