Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
