The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
