it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
