If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
