Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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