There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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