I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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