Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
