why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
