I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
