yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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