are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
