Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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