Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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