I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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