I'd wear matching sweaters with you
look no pants
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
