Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
