I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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