Banned from zoo.
Again?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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