Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
