i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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