One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
