Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
