saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
