I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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