just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is wine microwaveable?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
