She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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