last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
