What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Damn victory sex feels great
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
