My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
