1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
