Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
