I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
