I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
