i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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