I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
