my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
