i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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