So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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