whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
