i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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