Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
