Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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