She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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