So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
