It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
