i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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