I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
